Am I Low? I don't think so....

I can't tell any more. Things are drifting away again.

Here I am in another hostel, loaded with people, but none of them click. Am I just not participating or are they leaving me out? No, "leaving me out" does not seem like the right thing to say.

Am I being overlooked?

What happened to the old days? Is this what "off season" is all about?
The occastional backpacker in a heard of spring break heathenistic college kids?

Hell, I finished school before I took up the travel(And at this rate I'll take up the drink before they finish their second year.) I don't know how these kids get the funds to make their way across this chaotic continent. Their parents are either loaded, or the kids sell drugs.

Athens had a room full of noisy college girls. They acted like a pack of pre-teen girls in highschool. Their laughing kept most of the travellers up until 1AM.

My nerves are constantly getting dulled with restrain. My mind is getting tired. This tour is almost over, I can feel it. I can see London off in the horizon. The civility. The calm of millions of torrent minds suffering across kilometers of madness. I want to feel the insanity that I felt almost 3 months ago. But this time it will be different.

This time I will be a different person. I know what I can achieve on my own.

I still don't know who I am but I know what I can be.

Who I am will come later on in life. That's more of an India type thing.

Europe develops potential. It tests your communication skills with the fellow backpacker. It tests your patience on idle trains heading nowhere. It tests your ability to spend what you need and take what you can find. It tests the physical and emotional feilds of humanity.

My spirit is still empty. My soul continually gets crushed, each and everyday. It seems as though my soul is a million miles away, back somewhere more familiar.

Maybe my friends sense it. Maybe they know how much I need them right now. Maybe they don't. No one reads this anyways. It's as good as dead. As hollow as my spirit this time around.

Tonight, it occured to me that I am lonely. I am missing a counterpart or a female companion in life. I have not had an actual, relationship wise, girl friend for over 5 years. To put it simply; "It's was the best of times and it was the worst of times".

Depression? I don't think so.

"Loneliness is such a drag....."